Friday, May 4, 2012


Kids these days: what the hell are they? That is the question that faces American time-wasters today. As you know, the latest generation with a formal name is "The Millennials," and they are basically the worst, continuing the grand tradition of every new generation being the worst.

USA Today helpfully lists the five latest generational pop culture names: Greatest, Silent (ha suckers), Boomer, Gen X, and Millennials. God, each one is just unbearable in its own special way. And what to call these rising young whelps of today?

The ones whose earliest sexual fantasies involve Tyler the Creator and/ or Azealia Banks in vast quantities of GoGurt™? The ones who have never known life without Rookie Magazine? The ones who are always screaming so loud about things, on the street? Why all the screaming? Why?

Little Punks, is the best I've come up with so far. It's Friday afternoon, okay. Please put your superior ideas in the Gawker Media Comment Area. Later we'll call these kids names but good.

[Photo of kids these days: Samantha Jade Royds/ Flickr]

Below I copied some of the answered from Gawker's readers :

The Phonegazers. Since they grew up doing this in their teen years, they'll forever be staring at their phones, mindlessly updating their statuses on any number of Facebook, Twitter or whatever-the-hell-they-use-these-days accounts.

One of the things my girlfriends' students always say is: "You doin' too much." I think this captures the Zeitgeist of being an achiever while being a nervous burn-out wreck appropriately. I propose the "Generation doin' too much."

Generation Text.
They'll be texting "Get off my lawn, LOL :/" at the next generation of young assholes that upsets them.

Generation Text is pretty good
It's gotten to the point where I'm out with a group of friends and everyone sits in complete silence for a good chunk of time while they update their Facebook, twitter, instagram, foursquare, tumblr, etc. Sigh. Sorry I had to get this off my chest.

It really is the Networked Generation.

Gawker, Friday, May 4, 2012

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